It has almost been a month since I departed for my long journey and I was able to get so many new perspectives in life. Traveling alone makes you realize many new things and it strengthens your personality but also makes you feel very lonely at times.
I tried to remember all the thoughts I had while driving through Manila/Philippines or talking to strangers, but there were just too many discoveries, that I can’t possibly point out everything.
While I was driving to my relatives in the province, I encountered quite a few moments, where I thought ‘You are one lucky person.’
It takes about 8-10 hours by bus from my aunt to the place, where my mother grew up. It’s quite a small village up in the mountains. They don’t have internet, malls or those kind of stuff, where you could keep yourself busy while being there. Since my mother and my uncle are both working in Europe and my other aunt is quite a businesswoman in Manila, they tried their best to establish a nice home for our grandparents. I remember there were cockroaches everywhere, no internet, brown-outs etc.. when I went there 4 years ago, so I was quite redundant about how long I should stay there. Seriously, if it weren’t for my grandmother, I wouldn’t have gone there in the first place. Luckily, before my grandfather passed away, my uncle made sure to ‘clean’ the house. Eg.: Get a specialist to take out all the cockroaches, expand the front yard, get an electricity battery in case of brown-outs etc.. so I was comfortable staying there. However, I realized, that growing up in a city like Vienna, in a clean house, it’s difficult to not come off as a fussy person. Like how I couldn’t go to the toilet for I don’t know how many days, because they had no toilet paper nor a flush…
I travelled alone with the bus, which was a first for me, and even though I’m usually a brave traveller, when it comes to places such as the Philippines, I am quite scared being in a bus over night. Since I don’t even really know where to get off (a/n: they don’t have general stops, you just shout to the bus driver, if you want to get off) it’s like a ride into nowhere haha! What’s more scary is having to wait in a JEEPNEY at like 4.30am until there are enough people so the driver can depart. It took almost 2 hours till the first person arrived. I was lucky, cause the driver was quite alright. He told me about how he was screwed, while applying for a job abroad, and how he lost so much of his hard-earned money just because of that. I felt pity for him, but then quite angry/hurt, after he said ‘You live in Europe, you have so much money. Why are the rich one’s always the most greedy one’s’, because I didn’t want to pay the extra money, so I wouldn’t have to wait for other passengers to join the ride.
Then I realized, it was a thing to think for the people here in the Philippines.
When I came here 4 years ago (I was 18, just graduated and worked hard to have the money for my graduation trip to Korea), I was expected to pay all sorts of stuff, like, food, gas etc.. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do it, I was more than happy to treat my grandparents and the people who accompanied me for a lunch/dinner, but the fact that they EXPECTED me to, just because they thought I was oh-so-rich being able to travel to Korea after my graduation, kinda ruined it. Yes, I graduated. Yes, I lived in Vienna with my parents. Yes, I had money. But I did not see any reason, why it would give them the right to think that I would be there, just to cater for them. I worked hard to save up the money I needed for my well-deserved and long-awaited vacation, to an amount, where I did not have to ask my parents for any help, so it took me quite by surprise, when they gave me the feeling, that a part of your family was only happy to see you, because they hoped you would give them money… I love my family, but when it comes to that, it is unfortunately a reason, why I fear seeing some of my family members.
However, this year, it’s a bit different, cause I promised myself to just ignore that feeling and just do whatever I please, and it’s been going very well so far~
Another moment I realized, how much I love Vienna, is whenever I have to commute. While staying here, I learned, how to not act like a foreigner. Due to my hair- and skincolor (I dyed my hair to lightbrown-ish and my skin’s pretty fair compared to other filipinos) it’s quite obvious that I did not grow up in the Philippines, but I tried to just go with the flow. I tried my best to show people that ‘You cannot screw with me just because I might not be as knowledgeable in seeing when someone tries to fox me’ which I accomplished so far. When it comes to commuting, I still am quite anxious. I could never get past the ‘MoA-border’ by my own, because everything that is past that, I’d rather avoid commuting, if I don’t have to. But I’m pretty confident in going from one mall to the other within those limits. Except for the thing, that it takes you almost a lifetime to get from one point to the other, it’s not that bad, as long as you know the direction. If I were in Vienna, and you’d ask me to come to where ever place it might be, I’m totally in for everything. There’s no scary place to go to within Vienna limits (or even Austria limits actually..). That is probably one of the things I miss the most.
It’s very easy to stay in the town you grew up in. To stay with the people you were with more than half of your life. But sometimes you just really have to get out of everything, to appreciate the things you have. How can you appreciate your life, if you never experienced it any other way? You have no way to choose, how you want to live it, if you never saw the other side, right? This way, you may realize ‘Oh hey, my life is actually pretty awesome!’ when everything you did was to complain before. Of course, everything has its downsides (I would probably never be able to have such a luxurious life such as get a massage every other week or sleep in a hotel because I feel like it, back in Vienna) but hey, whats the fun of doing it, if you have the privilege to do it in your everyday life?
I have also realized, that I am a person who doesn’t communicate too well with strange/new people, because I rather be with people I already know and am comfortable with, than ‘become friends’ with new people, who I know will not stay too long in my life. It’s because, I like the thought of spending time with people where I don’t have to think, how I am supposed to act in front of them. But then I realize, that I seem to be the only one who’s stuck while my friends are going forward, leaving me behind. And I have yet to find out, what exactly it is, that stops me from moving on and if I need to keep on looking for the those who are/will stay at the same wavelength as me.
But be it because I’ve been pretty content with how I live/who I am at the moment, or because I still haven’t found something that makes me want to change, in the end, won’t be the you changing yourself just be a ‘moving on to something new which is even more comfortable’? I believe I’ve done it quite a lot of times already, to the point, that I don’t even know anymore, when I have left it..